I work long hours. The smell of death clings to me as I trudge heavily home. Two years ago, I rescued a lost looking dog from the pound. She was not the Siberian Husky I dreamed of as a child, but she was small and dainty. Most importantly, she needed a home.
I call her my mini sibby, or Sibs for short.
Lately work has been draining. Sibs and I share a small apartment (with a huge courtyard) with two cats. They are all I have/had. Warm bodies to snuggle close to in winter.
But lately Sibs has been looking at me with doleful eyes. She barks and fetches me her leash but I am too tired to walk her when I've worked a 6am to 11pm shift.
So I looked on craigslist and put an ad up for a dog walker.
'Dog walker wanted. Busy professional female needs kind soul to help walk her long suffering dog." 'This would be the cure to my problems,' I thought, as I buried my head in my pillows and fell asleep, poochy sleeping at my feet as usual, ears alert guarding the doorway.
I drink heavily at night to help me get to sleep. I see too much horror in the day time. The balance between life and death is tenacious.
The next day, I get up and splash water on my face.
Three replies. Two professional dog walkers charging $50 a week and free access to my home. I scratch my head. Possible, but do they have references?
I almost delete the last one as it has no subject in its header. It turns out to be from a regular nice guy called Kelvin offering to walk her for free as he loves dogs. He even lives in my neighbourhood.
"How sweet," I think to myself.
"So do you want to meet? I have a feisty little terrier that needs walking. I probably don't walk him as much as he likes. I know exactly how you feel. What about this? We make it a point to go jogging with our dogs early in the morning or late in the evening - whatever you are comfortable with. That way, the dogs get exercise and we develop our stamina and discipline. I am a huge fan of self improvement. We could make this work. Email me back."
He sounds intelligent. Mmm, and he has a terrier. Little Sibs needs a friend, I thought.
Should I mention at this point that I had (emphasis on had) a long term boyfriend? We hardly saw each other but we were 'dating' in the sense that we had grown comfortable in a granny-pops relationship - happy to talk anytime we needed each other. Too bad we were too tired to even pick up the phone these days.
I get ready for work and the day as it unravels ahead pushes the email to the back of my mind.
Oct 3: 2am
The red light illuminating the numbers on the alarm clock blink incessantly at me. I am wide awake. No alcohol tonight. A sense of hollowness dulls the gnawing sense that something is missing in my world. The ache for something different, something raw yet familiar. A sense of dread tinged with longing.
What if?
I get up and walk to the study.
"Coffee? I'm free this Saturday."
Little did I know that that short email would be the catalyst, the spark that ignited my descent into hell.
- to be continued -
